How to Deal Assertively With Insults

All of us have had the experience of being insulted, and it is most uncomfortable and can be quite traumatic in some cases. An insult can easily mess up your day, if not your week. Insulting another person is a form of aggression (unless, of course, it can clearly be defined as banter between trusted friends). When you are insulted, you may silently punish yourself for leaving yourself open to the put-down. Or you may even agree with the insult as if it had validity (“Yes, I should take the tape off these glass- es”). Some of us simply cringe occasionally when we remember the put-down and think of it as one of our bad memories. A few lucky people seem to be able to let it go and move on.

Dr. Jason Quintal

Let’s say that someone gives you a verbal insult. In some ways, this type  of insult, though painful, is the easiest to deal with because everything is out in the open. For example, you accidentally step on some- one’s foot in a crowd, and, to your horror, you hear in an angry voice, “You jerk, can’t you watch where you’re walking?” What is the best way to handle this? First, let the person vent. They are probably having a hard time, and they might be phobic in crowds. So give the person that much. Then, verbally acknowledge the person’s feelings – “Oh, I’m sorry. You must have felt as if I did that on purpose and it upset you.” Admit when you have done something wrong if you receive an insult, even if it is accidental. Now it’s time to be assertive. In a calm voice and with good eye contact, say, “I would appreciate it, however, if you would not call me names in front of other people or shout at me, even if you are upset. I can understand your point without that kind of behavior.” And then bring the encounter to an end.

Sometimes insults are nonverbal. This can be seen with the rolling of the eyes, the silent chuckle as you are talking, pouting, obscene gestures, staring off into space, sighing. This type of insult is more difficult to handle because it is easily denied or it could simply be a mannerism of the other person. The aim in this case is to bring the nonverbal communication into the verbal realm. “Did I say something to offend you?” “I am having difficulty understanding your gesture. Could you please explain what you mean?” It is fair to you to get feedback if you have indeed said or done something to offend the other person. But now the confrontation is in the verbal realm, and the assertive responses appropriate to verbal insults can be applied.

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How Long Will the Results of Rapid Resolution Therapy Last?

Rapid Resolution Therapy lasts a lifetime. Once you are done, none of the traumatic experiences will ever be troubling to you again. You could be talking about them while eating a slice of pizza and never feel the pain from those past experiences. Because the work is being done at such a deep level it changes things permanently.

There was a time in your life that you believed in Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny and now you don’t. Can you go back to believing in Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny? No, because once you got it, you got it. As soon as your mind updates and gets the good news that the troubling experience is no longer happening there is emotional freedom.

I mean, think about it, there was a time in your life when you didn’t know how to ride a bicycle and all of the information and in-site and understanding and knowledge on how to ride a bicycle didn’t make any difference on whether you could ride the bicycle. And then there was the moment that you had an experience where you got balance and as soon as that happened you can go 20 years without riding a bicycle and still be able to hop on and ride. When the trauma has been cleared, it’s been cleared and will no longer trouble the person again.

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Bradenton, FL 34211

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Visit our website for information about Rapid Resolution Therapy, Sarasota counseling services and treatment for depression, anxiety and PTSD: www.drquintal.com