Suggestions for Experiencing Grief

Grieving is a Major Process in Everyone's Life

All of us grieve in different ways, depending on the circumstances of the death, our own personal characteristics, and the meanings attached to the death by those left behind. Nonetheless, there are some specific actions that most of us can take to complete the process in a way that allows us to move on, eventually, to a whole and meaningful life again. 

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Here are some real-life concerns to keep in mind during the grief process:

Give yourself some quiet time alone. Find a good balance between being around others and giving yourself some solitude so that you can reflect on your loss and process your feelings.

Allow yourself to have some breaks from your grief. Grieving is difficult. As in any hard job you need a break from it from time to time. Go out and try to have a good time with friends. Read a good book. Lose yourself in a good movie.

If possible, avoid making long-term decisions. Times of crisis decrease our ability to make rational
decisions. Put decisions off until things have settled down to a more stable pattern.

Take care of your health.  Grief is a time of high physical risk. Even though it may be difficult, try
to get some physical exercise, even if it is only a daily walk. Maintain a nutritious diet, but don’t avoid indulging in special treats occasionally since self-nurturing is important during the process.
Above all, avoid alcohol and drugs during this time. They may provide a temporary feeling of relief, but your goal should focus on grieving productively, not avoiding it.

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Grieving is a very personal experience and one of our most painful to endure. It is also a journey into
the depths of our lives that can ultimately reveal our strength of character.

If you find that your are having trouble moving on with your life after a significant period of time, or staying positive after a losing a loved one, there are types of therapy that can help assist you with this process. Please contact Dr. Jason Quintal at 941-907-0525 or visit www.drquintal.com for an overview of treatments provided. A free phone consultation is offered. You can also follow Dr. Quintal on Twitter and Facebook.

Taking Back Your Self-Esteem

Self-Esteem and healthy assertion go hand in hand...

How you define yourself, positively or negatively, depends on the messages you’ve heard from others throughout your life. We internalize the things we’ve heard about ourselves from other people, and this becomes the basis of our self-esteem, which can be either mostly positive or mostly negative. 

If we see ourselves in a negative light, we may feel that we are not worthy of speaking up for what we want – and this can lead to nonassertion as a lifestyle, and contribute to anxiety and depression. People who work on their assertiveness skills have to look deeply within to assess their self-esteem and see what they can do to create a more positive definition of themselves. They can find things about themselves that they like. They might practice saying affirmations to themselves (affirmations are sayings such as “I like myself more and more each day”) until they become a reality and replace the old negative messages they may have heard throughout their lives. They may have conversations with people in which they talk about their positive qualities and maintain a positive tone throughout the conversation.

Turning an old legacy of negativity into a present sense of positive feelings takes some work, persistence, and motivation, but the rewards are enormous. One day you realize that you really do like yourself, you like who you are, and you are willing to let the world know this. (This does not imply that you are working toward conceit or a superior, condescending attitude – you are simply working to repair old negative messages that have held you back in the past. You are working toward balance.) Assertion requires positive self-esteem. Once you feel good about yourself, you can then go out into the world with a healthy sense of pride and assertively deal with the many experiences and people who come your way.

For more information about learning to regain your self-esteem please visit our website at DrQuintal.com. We provide counseling with a variety of Accelerated Healing Methods that offer direct solutions to your problem. Please contact us for a free phone consultation.

How to Deal Assertively With Insults

All of us have had the experience of being insulted, and it is most uncomfortable and can be quite traumatic in some cases. An insult can easily mess up your day, if not your week. Insulting another person is a form of aggression (unless, of course, it can clearly be defined as banter between trusted friends). When you are insulted, you may silently punish yourself for leaving yourself open to the put-down. Or you may even agree with the insult as if it had validity (“Yes, I should take the tape off these glass- es”). Some of us simply cringe occasionally when we remember the put-down and think of it as one of our bad memories. A few lucky people seem to be able to let it go and move on.

Dr. Jason Quintal

Let’s say that someone gives you a verbal insult. In some ways, this type  of insult, though painful, is the easiest to deal with because everything is out in the open. For example, you accidentally step on some- one’s foot in a crowd, and, to your horror, you hear in an angry voice, “You jerk, can’t you watch where you’re walking?” What is the best way to handle this? First, let the person vent. They are probably having a hard time, and they might be phobic in crowds. So give the person that much. Then, verbally acknowledge the person’s feelings – “Oh, I’m sorry. You must have felt as if I did that on purpose and it upset you.” Admit when you have done something wrong if you receive an insult, even if it is accidental. Now it’s time to be assertive. In a calm voice and with good eye contact, say, “I would appreciate it, however, if you would not call me names in front of other people or shout at me, even if you are upset. I can understand your point without that kind of behavior.” And then bring the encounter to an end.

Sometimes insults are nonverbal. This can be seen with the rolling of the eyes, the silent chuckle as you are talking, pouting, obscene gestures, staring off into space, sighing. This type of insult is more difficult to handle because it is easily denied or it could simply be a mannerism of the other person. The aim in this case is to bring the nonverbal communication into the verbal realm. “Did I say something to offend you?” “I am having difficulty understanding your gesture. Could you please explain what you mean?” It is fair to you to get feedback if you have indeed said or done something to offend the other person. But now the confrontation is in the verbal realm, and the assertive responses appropriate to verbal insults can be applied.

Please visit DrQuintal.com for further information and an explanation of the mental health services we provide. We also offer a free phone consultation regarding any problems or issues you may be coping with in life. If you participate in social media please visit our Facebook and Twitter page.

What About Panic Attacks?

One of the most debilitating manifestations of anxiety is the panic attack. These dramatic episodes of anxiety seem to come out of the blue and happen even when there is no real danger. They are usually intense for a few minutes and then subside. The sufferer may experience chest pains, the feeling of smothering, dizziness, heart pounding, depersonalization, hot and cold flashes, sweating, numbness, or nausea. These symptoms may be accompanied by fears of dying, going crazy, and losing control. Those who experience panic attacks often live in fear of their next attack, and this may prevent them from leaving the house, being alone, or driving. Panic attacks are not triggered by a specific phobia.

One of the factors that perpetuates panic attacks is the fear of having another one. The perception that a panic attack is coming on can magnify an awareness of symptoms and then the person begins to tense up and harbor thoughts of doom – just the conditions that drive a panic attack.

If you feel a panic attack coming on, it is helpful just to let it happen, as uncomfortable as this may seem. As is true of any phobia, you have to expose yourself to the feared situation in order for the fear to decrease over time. If you don’t tense up, the symptoms will generally subside within a few minutes. Tensing up will perpetuate the episode. You may feel faint, but you won’t really faint (blood is going to your muscles as you tense up and not to your brain, and this may bring on the sensation of fainting – but your blood pressure and heart rate have increased, so you’re actually less likely to faint). During a panic attack, try to re-channel your thoughts. Challenge your negative thinking (you are not having a heart attack; you will not suffocate; you are not going crazy; you will not die). Trust that this will end soon.

Tell yourself the following – “Well, here it is again. Let me watch my body respond to this, just like I’ve done before. I will survive this and I can handle it. This may be unpleasant, but it’s only anxiety and it will pass. Let me flow through this.”

Dr. Quintal & Associates

5460 Lena Road, Suite 103

Bradenton, FL 34211

941-907-0525

Visit our website for information about Rapid Resolution Therapy: www.drquintal.com